Parenting 243

Ok folks, today's class will begin at 2:22am.

First we'll have a crying one year old:

"Dave can you jump up and put her soother in?"

Ok. This algorithm is familiar so it only takes me a few seconds to solve the problem, then I'm back in bed.

My lab partner is working on her own problem: she hears the crying better than me. "She's still awake, should we let her cry?"

I think this is one of those insolvable questions the professors put up to see if you're paying attention, right before they throw you the curveball question:

Elysse walks in. "I need a drink of water."

My lab partner is getting creative with her strategy now:

"Elysse, go in and put Chanelle's soother back in." She obliges.

Crying persists. This problem is trickier than it appears, it's going to require some real attention. My lab partner decides to tackle the problem once and for all. She heads in to tend to Chanelle, changes a wet diaper , and starts cuddling the death scream machine (anyone who knows… knows)!

Meanwhile, Elysse is just standing at the landing.

The welling-up of sympathy for Chanelle's pain, and fury from her piercing death whail, have culminated in misfiring neurons as I leap out of bed with a vengance (full well knowing that there's no revenge to be had, nor any hope of sleep).

I walk in to Chanelle's room just to make sure Lynz isn't sticking Belly with a sharp implement; cause honestly, that is what it sounds like. All clear.

Back to the curveball question: "Daddy, I'm hungry!"

"It's time to sleep, not time to eat Lyssie."

From the other room: "Dave, she hasn't eaten anything all day."

Ok, I know I can solve this problem too. It's just that these questions have such a drawn out sequence of calculations to complete…

Step 1: Write down what you know…

That's right. She only had oatmeal for breakfast, but threw that up after dance class when her tummy was still hurting. With a few more barfs during the day and pretty much no supper, she must be starving.

Step 2: Choose your formulas…

I start walking back to my bedroom to get my sweats on, forgetting to tell her I'm taking her down to eat. I hear some whimpering and expect her to burst out crying. When she realizes that I'm getting dressed she bucks up and practices the "no more whiney voices" that we've been working on, this makes me proud.

In the cutest I-was-almost-crying-but-now-I'm-not voice a 3 1/2 year old could muster, she says: "Here are your slippers daddy, you can wear these." She wins my heart all over again, like she does every day. Ok let's do this thing!

Step 3: Start computing…

I get Elysse dressed in a house coat and slippers and descend for a middle of the night breakfast.

"I want oatmeal Dad!"

"Ok"

I set her on the counter. In just a few minutes her oatmeal comes out of the microwave so I get her settled at the table.

"My oatmeal is too hot. Can I have some yogurt while it cools down?"

"Here, have some water." I look in the fridge for yogurt. "Ummm, we're all out. How about a fruit cup."

"Ok, I'll have peaches."

"We only have pears."

Now she's finally eating and now she's done. She hops on the couch looking as if she is ready to consume some sort of media. Ok, focus, don't let a lapse in concentration cause a simple calculation error.

"Lyssie, it's the middle of the night. Time to go to bed."

She does! I walk upstairs and head to bed. Success, i think i solved that one!

Lynz is just coming out of Chanelle's room. Looks like she figured out her problem too!

I start writing this on my iPhone to the serenade of trailing whimpers from a 1 year old who is falling back asleep.

I think we might actually pass this class!?

Goodnight.

Posted via email from Dave Olsen's posterous